I have been on both sides of the mom equation, both at work and at home. For me, being a working mom was much more stressful. Working moms have two full-time jobs. The major difference between the two jobs is one pays and one does not. Let us review the day of the average working mom. Get up in the morning, get the children up, get the children dressed and fed, get self dressed and fed, gather all work/school items including backpacks, lunch boxes (oh, yeah moms fix these, too), purses, coats, brief cases or laptops, mobile phones . . . and more. Load children into the car, buckle them in, drive them to school and/or day care, drop them off (often at different locations), go to work, work all day, get off work, pick up children from school/day care load them into car, buckle them in, drive home, unload all previously mentioned work/school items, fix snacks, start dinner, feed family, wash dishes, give baths, get children ready for bed, get children in bed, go to bed. Does that about cover it? Now, I did not give Dads credit here, but given this is a two-parent household, Dads take on some of the above responsibilities. However, if this is a single-parent household, forget it moms, it is all you! Why do moms do it? I can think of three reasons. The first reason is financial. Single-moms have no choice but to work. Many two-parent households also have no other choice in order to pay bills and buy basic needs. For other moms, it is actually a better choice for them. Some moms feel that the stress of staying at home with their children all day is actually greater than the stress of working. Being with children all day requires a great deal of patience, and not everyone has it. A third reason moms choose to work is the feeling of contributing to society or fulfilling a personal goal. Some moms feel that they have something to give others in a workplace setting and working a full-time job may be the only way to do this.
How can working moms manage stress? Schedule "me" time. Daily if at all possible. After the kids are in bed, take a hot bubble bath, find a quiet reading corner, or go for an after-dark walk through the neighborhood. During work, pack a lunch and eat outside at a local park or near the office if there are outside tables available. If retail therapy is in order, do a little shopping during lunch or at least window shop if finances are limited. Schedule private activities on the weekend. Allow Dad to stay at home with the kids for a few hours while Mom goes to a movie with a girlfriend, does some shopping, or takes a class. Schedule a date night weekly or at least monthly so Mom and Dad can have time alone together. Find the support of other working moms. Prioritize activities. One extracurricular activity per child at one time limits stressors. Learn to say no to unnecessary requests such as volunteering for school or church. If the teacher asks you to be room mother, suggest that there be more than one room mother to share the job or suggest that you will provide items for parties instead of planning them. If nothing seems to help, perhaps a career change is in order. A less stressful job or a more flexible work schedule leads to less stress at home. Perhaps reducing work hours is an option. Look at your budget and determine if it is possible to work part-time by cutting back on unnecessary expenses such as the "premium" cable channels, memberships to gyms or golf clubs or cutting back on spending. In some cases, the reduction of costs from not working, such as less money spent on gas, lunch, or day care, may offset the reduction in salary.
Moms today are expected to be "super mom." They are supposed to do it all, do it with a smile, and decorate it with homemade frosting. There are some moms who come pretty close. I am not one of those moms. Learn to be realistic. Do what you can with what you have and accept that everyone fails sometimes. We don't expect our children to be perfect, moms don't have to be perfect either.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Visualization for Stress Management - Example
Let me first give my disclaimer: This blog is not intended to provide therapy. If you are experiencing significant, overwhelming stress or anxiety or you are having panic attacks, seek professional treatment.
OK, I feel better now that that is out of the way. As promised, I am going to walk you through my own personal "happy place" or visualization technique. I am a beach person, so my "happy place" is on a beach. Do not feel that you have to use the beach for relaxation. Perhaps you burn easily or you are allergic to sand. Please feel free to use this as a guide to design your own happy place, wherever it may be.
Prepare by going to a dark quiet place if at all possible. Turn on relaxing music or white noise if needed. Get comfortable, close your eyes . . .
I am walking out of my hut where I live on my own private island. I see the view from my door, out onto the beach, to the waves, to the sky. I see this picture getting closer as I walk toward the surf. I feel the sand beneath my bare feet. It is warm, but not hot. I feel my feet sinking in the soft sand. I feel each step I take and see myself getting closer and closer. When I reach the water, I look out toward the ocean. I watch the waves coming in. I see the sunlight glistening off the water, I feel the breeze blowing against my face and hair. I feel the sun on my skin. I smell the salty air. I hear the waves crashing, the wind blowing, and the gulls calling. I turn and walk along the edge of the water. I feel the sand again, as I take each step. I continue feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling. I see two palm trees in the distance. I see them getting closer with each step. As I approach, I notice the hammock hanging between them. I see and feel each step as I reach the hammock. I reach out and take the hammock, then gracefully lie down in it (completely unrealistic at this point). I feel the hammock sway from side-to-side as I continue to feel the breeze and sun, and hear the waves crashing.
I have used this strategy and described it to clients enough that I am conditioned to it. As soon as my feet hit the sand, I feel my body immediately relax. Feel free to adapt this example to suit yourself. Maybe you are on a cruise ship, on top of a mountain, in the woods, wherever "relaxing" is to you. If you are just completely uncreative (is that a word?), print this off and read it to yourself until you know it by heart.
OK, I feel better now that that is out of the way. As promised, I am going to walk you through my own personal "happy place" or visualization technique. I am a beach person, so my "happy place" is on a beach. Do not feel that you have to use the beach for relaxation. Perhaps you burn easily or you are allergic to sand. Please feel free to use this as a guide to design your own happy place, wherever it may be.
Prepare by going to a dark quiet place if at all possible. Turn on relaxing music or white noise if needed. Get comfortable, close your eyes . . .
I am walking out of my hut where I live on my own private island. I see the view from my door, out onto the beach, to the waves, to the sky. I see this picture getting closer as I walk toward the surf. I feel the sand beneath my bare feet. It is warm, but not hot. I feel my feet sinking in the soft sand. I feel each step I take and see myself getting closer and closer. When I reach the water, I look out toward the ocean. I watch the waves coming in. I see the sunlight glistening off the water, I feel the breeze blowing against my face and hair. I feel the sun on my skin. I smell the salty air. I hear the waves crashing, the wind blowing, and the gulls calling. I turn and walk along the edge of the water. I feel the sand again, as I take each step. I continue feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling. I see two palm trees in the distance. I see them getting closer with each step. As I approach, I notice the hammock hanging between them. I see and feel each step as I reach the hammock. I reach out and take the hammock, then gracefully lie down in it (completely unrealistic at this point). I feel the hammock sway from side-to-side as I continue to feel the breeze and sun, and hear the waves crashing. I have used this strategy and described it to clients enough that I am conditioned to it. As soon as my feet hit the sand, I feel my body immediately relax. Feel free to adapt this example to suit yourself. Maybe you are on a cruise ship, on top of a mountain, in the woods, wherever "relaxing" is to you. If you are just completely uncreative (is that a word?), print this off and read it to yourself until you know it by heart.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Stress management technique - Visualization
Let's dive in to a real stress management technique shall we? I'll start with my favorite, visualization. This technique can be highly effective, with practice, for a multitude of personal tribulations. I used it in therapy with individuals who suffered from depression, anxiety, general stress, trauma, you name it! You may have heard of or even used this technique before, particularly if you participated in Lamaze or childbirth classes, or if you have ever used guided imagery tapes/CD's, et cetera.
Basically, visualization is picturing yourself somewhere else or doing something else. Sounds simple enough, right? It is not always that easy, especially if you are experiencing significant stress. The mental effort it takes to concentrate fully on something when you are stressed can be quite taxing. This is where the practice comes in. The more you use this strategy, the easier it gets and the faster it works. Ready?
1. Find a quiet place. Try to be in a quiet room with no one else around. You may need some sort of noise or music to block out background noise. Fans work well or relaxing instrumental music. If you have a CD or MP3 of relaxing sounds such as ocean waves or rain forest sounds this would be appropriate as well, especially if the sounds fit into your particular visualization. However, silence is equally effective, if not more.
2. Get comfortable. Lie or sit down. Get yourself situated before you begin.
3. Choose your "happy place." Yes, Peter Pan was right. If pure relaxation to you is sitting on the beach in the sun, then use it. If your idea of peace is sitting in a field of flowers, then go there. Maybe you are a fisherman. You might be sitting in a boat on the lake. Whatever works for you is fine as long as it is something relaxing and peaceful.
4. Now, close your eyes and picture it, whatever it is. Really see it in your mind. Picture every detail.
5. Add your other senses, what do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? Add as many details to the experience as you can to make your visualization as realistic as possible.
How do you feel? The first time may be difficult, especially if you are particularly stressed. The first few times are also more difficult because you have to think about each step in the process. With practice, visualization becomes easier because you do not have to think so hard about it, and your brain is allowed to just relax. Also, with practice, relaxation becomes a conditioned response, which means your brain/body recognizes what is about to happen and immediately begins to relax.
On my next post I'll describe my own "happy place. " You can use this for reference to help you design and personalize your own mental vacation or you can use it verbatim as a guided imagery tool.
Basically, visualization is picturing yourself somewhere else or doing something else. Sounds simple enough, right? It is not always that easy, especially if you are experiencing significant stress. The mental effort it takes to concentrate fully on something when you are stressed can be quite taxing. This is where the practice comes in. The more you use this strategy, the easier it gets and the faster it works. Ready?
1. Find a quiet place. Try to be in a quiet room with no one else around. You may need some sort of noise or music to block out background noise. Fans work well or relaxing instrumental music. If you have a CD or MP3 of relaxing sounds such as ocean waves or rain forest sounds this would be appropriate as well, especially if the sounds fit into your particular visualization. However, silence is equally effective, if not more.
2. Get comfortable. Lie or sit down. Get yourself situated before you begin.
3. Choose your "happy place." Yes, Peter Pan was right. If pure relaxation to you is sitting on the beach in the sun, then use it. If your idea of peace is sitting in a field of flowers, then go there. Maybe you are a fisherman. You might be sitting in a boat on the lake. Whatever works for you is fine as long as it is something relaxing and peaceful.
4. Now, close your eyes and picture it, whatever it is. Really see it in your mind. Picture every detail.
5. Add your other senses, what do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? Add as many details to the experience as you can to make your visualization as realistic as possible.
How do you feel? The first time may be difficult, especially if you are particularly stressed. The first few times are also more difficult because you have to think about each step in the process. With practice, visualization becomes easier because you do not have to think so hard about it, and your brain is allowed to just relax. Also, with practice, relaxation becomes a conditioned response, which means your brain/body recognizes what is about to happen and immediately begins to relax.
On my next post I'll describe my own "happy place. " You can use this for reference to help you design and personalize your own mental vacation or you can use it verbatim as a guided imagery tool.
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