I have been on both sides of the mom equation, both at work and at home. For me, being a working mom was much more stressful. Working moms have two full-time jobs. The major difference between the two jobs is one pays and one does not. Let us review the day of the average working mom. Get up in the morning, get the children up, get the children dressed and fed, get self dressed and fed, gather all work/school items including backpacks, lunch boxes (oh, yeah moms fix these, too), purses, coats, brief cases or laptops, mobile phones . . . and more. Load children into the car, buckle them in, drive them to school and/or day care, drop them off (often at different locations), go to work, work all day, get off work, pick up children from school/day care load them into car, buckle them in, drive home, unload all previously mentioned work/school items, fix snacks, start dinner, feed family, wash dishes, give baths, get children ready for bed, get children in bed, go to bed. Does that about cover it? Now, I did not give Dads credit here, but given this is a two-parent household, Dads take on some of the above responsibilities. However, if this is a single-parent household, forget it moms, it is all you! Why do moms do it? I can think of three reasons. The first reason is financial. Single-moms have no choice but to work. Many two-parent households also have no other choice in order to pay bills and buy basic needs. For other moms, it is actually a better choice for them. Some moms feel that the stress of staying at home with their children all day is actually greater than the stress of working. Being with children all day requires a great deal of patience, and not everyone has it. A third reason moms choose to work is the feeling of contributing to society or fulfilling a personal goal. Some moms feel that they have something to give others in a workplace setting and working a full-time job may be the only way to do this.
How can working moms manage stress? Schedule "me" time. Daily if at all possible. After the kids are in bed, take a hot bubble bath, find a quiet reading corner, or go for an after-dark walk through the neighborhood. During work, pack a lunch and eat outside at a local park or near the office if there are outside tables available. If retail therapy is in order, do a little shopping during lunch or at least window shop if finances are limited. Schedule private activities on the weekend. Allow Dad to stay at home with the kids for a few hours while Mom goes to a movie with a girlfriend, does some shopping, or takes a class. Schedule a date night weekly or at least monthly so Mom and Dad can have time alone together. Find the support of other working moms. Prioritize activities. One extracurricular activity per child at one time limits stressors. Learn to say no to unnecessary requests such as volunteering for school or church. If the teacher asks you to be room mother, suggest that there be more than one room mother to share the job or suggest that you will provide items for parties instead of planning them. If nothing seems to help, perhaps a career change is in order. A less stressful job or a more flexible work schedule leads to less stress at home. Perhaps reducing work hours is an option. Look at your budget and determine if it is possible to work part-time by cutting back on unnecessary expenses such as the "premium" cable channels, memberships to gyms or golf clubs or cutting back on spending. In some cases, the reduction of costs from not working, such as less money spent on gas, lunch, or day care, may offset the reduction in salary.
Moms today are expected to be "super mom." They are supposed to do it all, do it with a smile, and decorate it with homemade frosting. There are some moms who come pretty close. I am not one of those moms. Learn to be realistic. Do what you can with what you have and accept that everyone fails sometimes. We don't expect our children to be perfect, moms don't have to be perfect either.
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