Dads Get Stressed, Too

I have talked a lot about the stress of being a mom. I suppose that is because I have experienced such stress personally. However, I have not forgotten dads. Dads get stressed, too. The stress for dads is different, though, and men experience stress differently than women. That is in part because in our society men take on the role of caretaker, head of the family and "breadwinner." Although in recent years there has been a shift in these roles as women take on more financial responsibilities and earn more money, the perception that men have remains the same. This in itself causes many men a great deal of stress. They feel that the success and happiness of the family is dependent on them. If the family is struggling financially, men often feel that they have failed. This is particularly the case when men earn less money or lose their jobs due to layoffs and work reductions that have been so common in this economy. 

The expectations for men have also changed. Men now take on more roles previously assigned for women. They cook, clean and care for children in addition to their previous responsibilities. This change has occurred due to the increase of women in the workforce when compared to a few decades ago. While this change benefits women, who simply cannot reasonably work full-time and complete all of the responsibilities at home, it can be stressful for men who are still transitioning to that role. In a sense, it is emasculating. Cooking and cleaning are not "manly" jobs in our society. Taking care of children is not a masculine chore. Men should not be blamed or criticized for these feelings, it is inherent in our nature. Since the beginning of time men were the hunters and women were the gatherers. That was the society of that time and for many, many years of human existence. Our society is changing and evolution takes time. 

Many men have already adapted to their "new" roles and quite enjoy them. However, some men still struggle with changing roles, in addition to the general stress that men endure due to their "previous" roles. How can men manage their stress? Men experience and cope with stress differently than women. While many men have difficulty talking about their feelings, they should be strongly encouraged to do so. As a therapist I can tell you that men who have learned to express their feelings say that it does help. Find someone you can be honest and open with. It may be your wife or girlfriend, a best friend, a family member or a minister. If stress is significantly impacting you personally, at work or at home, consider talking to a therapist. Often just a couple of sessions make a difference. Also find relaxing activities to participate in regularly. Golf, fishing and gardening are great outdoor activities that can be enjoyed much of the year. Reading, exercising and strategy games can be done indoors. Prioritize your activities. You may not be able to get everything completed that needs to be done, but complete the most important things. Perhaps the most important, and possibly most challenging, relaxation strategy is to learn to let things go. If you cannot change it, then find a way to stop worrying about it. If you are doing your best, then your family will appreciate and love you no matter what.